Someone said I'm suicidal.

Why would I be? I just got a colourful and hyper new blogskin!

But then, why wouldn't I be? The emo story located a couple of posts down was modelled on my reflections about my own life (excluding the divorce bit).

I really, really, really, need to find a purpose in my life. Maybe my entire family is cursed to follow the "gee, I'm struck with a depression thingy cause I have no purpose in my sad, sorry existence" line. Half of my cousins have depression, c'mon. What's it with another one joining the ranks of the sorry and emo?

What is wrong with you, Nicole? What have you done to yourself?

I really don't know myself anymore.

But I'm going to smile tomorrow. It's Eli's birthday celebration. And it's class chalet.

But behind that hyper girl with the crazy poking spree is just nothing but a little girl who wants to curl up in a ball and cry her heart out over nothing in particular.

Wait, why cry when I can drown my sorrows in my emo writing and make myself even more emo?

Yes, I should go do that.

No one really cares, right?

Right.

And some of you are just gona spam me with stuff about how my friends are here for me and stuff.

I don't have a best friend. I don't have ANYONE who I really dare to cry to, who I really dare to be myself with. Hence the shield.

Nicole is just not fitting into society, is she? Whenever I try to, it's like I'm really not being myself, but trying to be someone I'm not.

Why do I even bother?