(Did you forget
That I was even alive
Did you forget
Everything we ever had
Did you forget
Did you forget
About me?)

Have you noticed how distant we have been, how far we have drifted?

Do you know how I feel about it, feeling like I'm trapped outside, trying so hard to get in? You have the key, but you won't unlock the door; Why?

I've waited, and I still am, but the longer this silence ensues, the more harm it will do. It will not test what we have, it will destroy what we thought we had.

Why am I writing this, I wonder, when there's hardly a chance that you'll read it? Maybe you do, but will you respond to it?

I feel like an idiot, but still.

I'll continue to be one, still holding onto the promises, though I know that they've already been long forgotten, broken.

My life is like a bottle of soft drink, shaken too hard, too vigorously, and opened all at once, such that the contents pretty much explode out.

Now, why can't I ever learn not to bottle up all that unwanted gas, and instead, let it out bit by bit?

I SAILED LASER RADIAL TODAY.
It was super awesome. :D

For one, it's hell more stable that a byte, and you feel that within moments of getting onto the boat. So I was happily hiking and working on my angle (which was super good cause I managed to point really high), and I sheeted in all the way, something I can't do on a byte at the same wind conditions as today. Sure, when I first went on it, the wind was like, 2 knots, but it picked up to 7 knots in awhile. At 7 knots on a byte, I have to be super careful already, cause it's super unstable for me, and once it hits 8 knots, I have to depower all my lines. ): The wind did hit 8 knots today, and when it did, I couldn't handle already. Rawr.


Ah well, guess I should train hard and get better, yep!


Now for a blog quiz. Took it from Chenwei's blog!


01. Who was your last text from?
Joel Tay, haha. About this un-solvable maths question that we were all trying to do at NSC today, that finally got solved.


02. Where was your msn display picture taken?
In the school hall, on A level results release day, before our ushering job began. :D


03. Your relationship status?
On Standby mode.


04. Have you ever lost a close friend?
Yep.


05. What is your current mood?
Confused.


06. How many siblings you have?
1.


07. What is your brother's/sister's name?
Matthew.


Where would you wish you were right now?
A month or two ago, I would be able to tell you where I'd want to be. Now, I don't know.


09. Have a crazy side?
NICOLE? NOT HAVE A CRAZY SIDE? WHAT HAS THE WORLD BECOME?


10. Ever had a near death experience?
Hmm, literally, or figuratively?


11. Something you do a lot?
Be childish. YAY.


12. Angry at anyone?
Maybe.


13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
Nothing, but there's something stopping the other side from coming through.


14. When was the last time you cried?
Idk, but I think it was quite recent.


15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
Of course.


16. What you think about when you are falling asleep?
Depends on my mood.


17.Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mum.


18. What is your favourite song?
Atm, it's 21 Guns by Greenday.


19. What are you doing right now?
Stoning.


20. Who do you trust right now?
Those I trust can tell that I trust them.


21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Sentosa opti/byte open championship 2007.


22. Have you kissed someone in the past week?
What do you think?


23. Who is the friend that lives closest to you?
Idk, I don't really know exactly where they live.


24. Describe your life in one word?
Confusing.


25. Who are you thinking of right now?
What makes you think that I'm thinking of someone?


26. What should you be doing right now?
Homework.


27. What are you listening to?
I will follow you into the dark - Death Cab for Cutie


28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
My carebear, WHISPER. Okay, more like me squashing it.


29. Who was the last person who yelled at you?
My mum.


30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
I try not to, but sometimes, it has the negative effect I want it to have.


31. What is your natural hair colour?
Black, duh.


32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Idk, alot of people made me laugh at NSC today. (:


33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
Hmm.


34. What do you hear?
Some violin music coming from the TV.


35. Is your hair curly or straight?
Natural curls at the ends.

36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
Uh, no, I'm not edible, tyvm.

37. Do you have a best friend?
Idk if I do.

38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past few days?
Define past few days.

39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
ALL THE TIME. :DDDD

40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Hahaha, yeah.


41. Are you happy with life right now?
Not really, though I don't show it.


42. Are you currently jealous?
Maybe.

43. What jewelry are you currently wearing?
Earrings.


44. What were you doing on friday night?
Having bible study.

45. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yep. It wasn't a nice feeling, and I really don't want it to happen again.

46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I hope not.

47. Is there anyone you're really disappointed in right now?
What do you think?

48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
To get an MC cause I had the flu.


49. How late did you stay up last night and why?
Past 12, cause I couldn't sleep.

50. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
No relationship can last for more than a year at this age. That's been rubbed in my face repeatedly, so much that I've gotten the message already/

Funny how a rainbow can make me smile, when it's a smile turned upside down.

Continued of sorts from the previous post. And yes, I wrote the both poems "rainbow" and "doesn't it pain you" myself.

But I just continued standing
right at my window

clinging on
to that little bit of hope and faith
wishing so dearly
to perhaps
elude reality

Slowly
the sky began to darken
and my rainbow began to fade

While I watched it disappear
watched the sky fade to grey
I couldn't help but tear
and wonder

why did such a pretty rainbow
have to disappear?

When the storm finally cleared
I looked out of the window

Past the silent teardrops
I saw such a pretty rainbow

I reached out to touch you
but when I knocked against the glass

I stopped

and realised how naive I've been
because you're just

so far away

so very far away

And I know
I'll never be able to grab onto you
no matter how much I want to

because you're just way out of my grasp

And maybe

just a trick of the light.

I don't know what's wrong anymore.

I haven't been eating dinner since last week. And this week, lunch too. I stared at the bowl of soup I had for lunch yesterday, and if I didn't force myself to, I doubt I would've even bothered start drinking it. And even with that, I couldn't finish it.

And I can't sleep at night either. Every 15 minutes I wake up cause it's either suddenly too cold, suddenly too hot, or I just can't seem to sleep properly.

Last week tooth infection, this week down with a bad case of flu. It might be H1N1, but meh, I don't really care.

Failed maths, physics and chem. Think I might have failed LA, lit and bio too. I actually put in the effort, but no, "You didn't study hard enough" is all she can say.

In this state, I tried studying for the upcoming chem test, but I can't absorb anything. I tried, I really did. I've been trying to absorb it all since Wednesday, but I can't even get past the first page. Nothing's going in, and when I tell her, all she can say is "you're just not putting in the effort".

Maybe I just can't live up to your expectations.

Thankyou Yeoon, for icecream the carebear.

Now, a random penning that I wrote 'cause of my insomnia. The full fic's on ff.net already.

Doesn’t it pain you

to see her like that
embracing the hurt and pain of the world
on her own?

Alas, you can do nothing
but watch on,
helplessly
from outside the gates

as you hold on to her hand
watching it slip out of your grasp
and into another’s
now

Doesn’t it pain you?